I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
