i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
