Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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