I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
