so explain again why im purple
no
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
