I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
