I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
