To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
