She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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