Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
