I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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