On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
