Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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