I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I could fuck to npr.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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