SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
