dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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