I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
