when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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