Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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