I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
