If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
