chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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