using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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