Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
