and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
