Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My vagina is officially offended.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
