the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
