My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
