i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
