i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
