I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
