My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
