I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
