my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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