You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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