dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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