Sry I called you an 8
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
