i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
