oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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