WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
