I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
