ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
