apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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