Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The adults are the big ones right?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
