the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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