did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
