I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
