i think my tv is drunk
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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