...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
