He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
