I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
