Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
